


U Wi No O Ku Ya Ma

by Ki_no_Shirayuki



Category: Gintama
Genre: Character Study, Educational, Epistolary, Gen, Japanese, Japanese Culture, Languages and Linguistics, Letters, POV First Person, Snark, Some Humor, Spoof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 00:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11978169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_no_Shirayuki/pseuds/Ki_no_Shirayuki
Summary: Takasugi writes a letter to Katsura.Very snarky, full of lampshades and probably culturally appropriative.





	U Wi No O Ku Ya Ma

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deargodwhatisthatthing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deargodwhatisthatthing/gifts), [morticiacat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/morticiacat/gifts), [grievingcain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/grievingcain/gifts).



> Actual title: "How to Write a Letter — The Japanese Way, a Spoof by Takasugi Shinsuke"

_Haikei_.  Whatever the fuck that means.

The leaves are slowly turning blue on this weird planet whose name I can neither spell nor pronounce. This is not the point of what I'm trying to tell you, but apparently you just have to insert an unrelated comment on the season after the opening greeting despite the fact that a letter is not a fucking _haiku_ poem. I just ditch this part when writing to other people, in case you're asking, but since you are Little Mister Manners, I had to go to all that trouble and included this useless part here _just for you_ , so fucking appreciate it, thanks.

I read the letter you sent me in which you ranted for pages on end about my kanji knowledge and declared that you will no longer read my electronic mails _and_ that you would only read my hand-written mails that follow the letter-writing protocols and have at least ten kanji written in each. Wow, way harsh, Zura. Well, since you just ain't gonna read my letter otherwise, but now the internet is down, I have to sit here constantly flipping this huge-ass kanji dictionary, thank you very much. The point is, Zura, I'm not the only Japanese adult weak at kanji. In fact, I'd venture to say that you are the only one _good_ at it nowadays. People don't see the need to remember stroke orders when you can type on a keyboard and the character will just appear. Besides, if you have to write by hand for some reason, there's always kana. Oh, and I'm gonna wipe out this rotten country and that means I can completely change the writing system, so what is the problem anyway?

Well, apparently I also have to write another unnecessary paragraph of shit known as the closing statement here, but what should I write? Well, may your hair always be beautiful, I guess? 'Sides, I look forward to hearing more from you. This one I'm serious. Write back. ~~I love you.~~

_Keigu._ Whatever the fuck that means.

_Keiō [number], [month], [day]_

_Kiheitai_  
_Takasugi Shinsuke_

 _Anti-Foreigner Faction_  
_Katsura Kotarou_

**Author's Note:**

> How to _actually_ write a letter, the Japanese way:
> 
>  **1\. Opening greeting:** _Haikei_ (拝啓)  
>  **2\. Opening statement:** A comment about the current season (i.e. cherry blossoms are blooming, leaves are changing, etc.)  
>  **3\. Body paragraph.**  
>  **4\. Closing statement:** Either wish the recipient the best of wishes, say that you hope to hear more from them or that you will contact them again, or even say that you are ending the letter.  
>  **5\. Closing greeting:** _Keigu_ (敬具)  
>  **6\. The date, your organization (if available or needed) and name.**  
>  **7\. The recipient's organization (if available or needed) and name.**


End file.
